Now this story of mad chimp mauling a neighbor is sure to distract from the important issues of the day - A-rod's upcoming press conference and Michael Phelps descent into reefer madness. This is a pretty gruesome story filled with grisly details and bad ideas, first and foremost being who the hell has a chimp for a pet? Now I happen to know a fair number of people who live on this road and several of them with small children, why a chimp known to be agfressive and who has been clever enough to escape from his owners is beyond me. According to the Daily News, he took the house keys to let himself out, and the owner called her friend to help get him back in the house - another bad idea. Why anyone would give the chimp wine, and out of a stemmed glass no less, is beyond me. My son in law is quite interested in this particular detail. Even though I encouraged him, he is too modest to post so I will quote him:
"So, I am somewhat obsessed with the Chimp story out of North Stamford .... if only because it reinforces that people are bat-shit insane for any number of reasons.
Check out the Hartford Courant's take on the story:
I particularly enjoyed the last para:
"At the time of the 2003 attack, police said the owners told them the chimpanzee was toilet trained, dressed himself, took his own bath, ate at the table and drank wine from a stemmed glass."
Who in the hell has a chimp in their house at all, let alone after it was involved in an attack 6 years ago....beyond that, who in the hell has a chimp that they sit at the dinner table with.....and most of all, who in the hell gives a chimp wine, let alone wine in stemmed glass. Seriously, what the f__k?!?!?!? This story is the weirdest thing ever. You haven't lived until you have seen a drunk chimp stagger out of the Long Ridge Tavern!!!
Also, NBC news in New York reported that the woman who was mauled "had her face literally ripped off".....thank you local news for that description.
According to a friend, the four stages of human drunkenness are:
1. I'm rich
2. I'm attractive
3. I'm bulletproof
4. I'm invisible
Which leads me to the four stages of chimp drunkenness:
1. I'm eating a banana
2. I'm swinging from a tree
3. I'm beating my chest in an aggressive fashion
4. I'm ripping the neighbor lady's face off"
According to some local yokel news stations, Travis, the chimp wanted to go for a ride in a car and didn't take it well when the ride wasn't forth coming. His owner gave him a xanax to calm him down, but it had no effect, so as one neighbor so eloquently put it, "He began feasting on the woman's face." Yikes.
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